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I have the best idea… Let’s all get together and say horrible things about our husbands for two hours over coffee!
Ummm what?! No way! If someone were to say this to you would probably tell them to enjoy that coffee on their own. (I personally don’t even like coffee, so that’s a double no from me!)
Yet as wives, we can unintentionally, and sometimes even intentionally, bash our husbands around others.
First, let me give my definition of what husband-bashing is.
Husband-bashing: any words said to your husband, or spoken about your husband to others, that demean/degrade his true character.
I’ve seen time and time again in a group setting of women (sometimes Christians, sometimes not) the conversation seems to always come back to our husbands. And it’s usually with a negative tone or picking at something he does that we don’t like.
Ladies, men are designed to be conquerors, protectors, and providers. When we are constantly telling him what he is doing/has done wrong or telling others those things, it hurts him on a spiritual level. We are called to respect our husbands unconditionally.
So, how do we break the husband-bashing train?
First, we recognize when he is discouraged.
If your husband walks in from work and you can clearly see he has had a tough day… don’t start laying all of your problems on him at once! Start by asking how his day was or if there is anything you can do to make his life easier.
Days can get overwhelming – I know the baby might be sick or we burnt supper on accident, but our husband deserves a hello when he walks in the door. This can change his entire demeanor.
Trust me, I understand how hard this is sometimes and I expect him to help me. But imagine the change we would see if we asked how can I help you? Better yet, pray for him! Remind him of all he does well and speak God’s truth over his life. You will see a difference in not just your attitude but his as well.
Second, we encourage him in private and in front of others.
Don’t our husbands get enough criticizing from the world and from other people? Whether it be in the workforce, family, friends or even in ministry. Let’s bring back Mama’s old rule; if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it!
The more we encourage our husbands in his gifts, talents and abilities in private, the more likely that will flow into our daily conversations. You might also start to realize those positive things more and focus less on the negative.
It is our job as wives to continually remind our husband of his God-given purpose, so he can fulfill it!
Third, we take a stand when others are bashing their husbands.
This one can get a little tricky. No one wants to come across with a “better than” attitude, but I also believe it’s okay to stand up for what is right. If you are in a situation where there is some major “husband smack talk” going down, there are some solutions.
Depending on the situation, you can either choose to remove yourself or start saying great things about your husband! Usually what I like to do is start talking about the amazing qualities my husband has and the ways he helps around the house <–this seems to be the biggest complaint. That usually stops the conversation or shows that I will not be taking part in speaking ill of my husband.
Lastly, and most importantly, we need to evaluate our own hearts.
Romans 15:19 reads, “Let us, therefore, make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.” This includes some self-evaluation. Maybe the reason we tend to think negatively about our spouse is because of some area of sin in our own life. Usually, when I catch myself wanting to talk about something that Nick did to make me mad, it’s because I had an unrealistic expectation in place.
God is the only one who can fill any void in me. Only He can meet my every need. When we expect our husbands to do this, it leads to bitterness and resentment that doesn’t need to be there. We must remain in tune with the Holy Spirit so that He can remind us of these things.
I hope after reading this that we can all take time to think about what we say when it comes to our husbands before we say it. Let’s focus on encouraging and uplifting our spouses, and embracing our calling as wives! Here is a practical way to help start that.
Who wants to help me put husband-bashing out of style?? How are you going to help break the cycle??
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